The Nut Cracker....

So over the past few days I have realised that maybe, just maybe I have been a little bit harsh on my Nan like neighbour Doris so yet again I am giving her the benefit of the doubt - I'm sure she didn't mean to put the equivalent of about to handfuls of nuts into that cake but she is old and I could blame her eye sight but we all know how perfect that is so I will just give her the benefit of the doubt one last time.
Whilst propped up in my hospital bed with a ridiculously swollen face and feeling like a child again as the nurse told me off - yes told me off! apparently someone who knows they are very allergic to nuts should never consume the amount that I had, my attempts to defend myself fell on deaf ears literally as she had a hearing aid but I realised that every cloud does have a silver lining and although I was in hospital and looking like a cross between the elephant man and Jocelyn Wildenstein, But at least I could now legitimately give myself a few sick days off and in all honesty the swelling has gone a bit today but I feel an extra day or two away from that hell hole that is my work would not go a miss.
Luckily for me I have a wonderful friend who insisted on collecting me from the hospital even though she was drunk 'tipsy' was the phrase she used but she was drunk and she stood there at my bed for about 10 minutes wetting herself laughing at my poor swollen face and pointing me out to everyone that walked past - How very lucky I am!Her pitiful attempts to 'look after me' when we finally got home after the worst mini cab driver in London picked us up - I thought all cab drivers had to know their roads apparently not for this company he didn't even know how to use his Sat Nav! and was relying on a drugged up me (all medical of course) who looked like I had just major surgery on my face because it was so ballooned out and a drunk that didn't even know what day it was.
That journey has now cemented my decision to never use a mini cab and stick with the black taxis! After she consumed most of the alcohol from my cabinet and passed out on the toilet I saw myself to bed avoiding all mirrors and reflective surfaces.
Thankfully this morning my German boss was very understanding which I know was all fake and I am sure as soon as that phone hit the receiver she was slagging me off to the entire office - mainly because she does this to everyone but probably more to fact that she is crap at her job and it is me who corrects all her mistakes but if I am not there who will correct them and who will she blame when it goes it wrong!?!
This brings me great joy to imagine her sitting there actually trying to 'work' but in reality I am sure that she will leave it all until I get back with a lovely pile of papers littering my desk just to highlight my absence!